I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
