She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
How many fucks given?
0.12846
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
