Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
