so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
