I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
