he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize