Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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