i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
