All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
