i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize