He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
