Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
it hurts more in the daytime
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize