I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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