OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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