My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
