apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
