I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize