found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
