Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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