so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
