Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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