My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
