I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
