i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
