Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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