Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
