...so i touched it.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
