And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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