After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
