Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
