You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
