You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
