Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
