i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
