Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
