I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
