man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
