Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
