all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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