she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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