So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
