We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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