Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize