girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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