good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
