I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
