Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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