just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Two words: blizzard sex
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
