The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
