ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I need a beard to bite.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
