Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize