Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
it's not cheating when I paid for it
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
