the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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