Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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