I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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