There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
this beer tastes like vomit already
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
