i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
They have beer where we have blood.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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