I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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