Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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