Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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