I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
