It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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