White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
