oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
