I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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