Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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