I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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