i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
