You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
