girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Randomize
