No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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