just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
