you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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