I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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