Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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