I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
