I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
