see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
