from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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