I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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