So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
