You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize