he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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