You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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