i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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