Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
