Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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