Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
