We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
