Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
