so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
