he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
