She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Also, beer. Big fan.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
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