Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
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