butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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