i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I need a beard to bite.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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