If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
