Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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