i may or may not be watching the land before time
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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