Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize