If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
