Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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