What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
