I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
