He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
