I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
