Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
