Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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