Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
