Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
This is my gift to your gina
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
