Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
